Not all who wander
by Saphireanime
Summary: AU. Bilbo, travelling show magician with a reputation that precedes him receives a job offer to be temporary evening entertainment for the royal family of Erebor. he quickly gets drawn into politics, family drama and their enigmatic King.
1. Chapter 1

**AU. When Bilbo, travelling show magician with a reputation that precedes him receives a job offer to be temporary evening entertainment for the royal family of Erebor, he is hardly about to turn it down. He is quickly drawn into politics, family drama, 'blue blood' lifestyle and the fact that he may or may not be flirting with the King.  
There was also the little fact that unlike other show magician, he actually had magic, something he'd very much like to keep hidden. **

Bilbo did not believe in funny costumes (cousin Drogo, master of parlour tricks and multi coloured cloaks) or weird, so-called mandatory uniforms (mentor, father figure, total bad ass and altogether irritating Gandalf the Grey) so Bilbo wore a suit. He was a gentleman – though at 33, it could be argued he'd only just gotten there. A suit reeked of professionalism and respectability (as well as anyone could be in this business). Bilbo learnt from the best; he could escape from the sturdiest of cages, pull various animals out of boxes and hats, make objects disappear and reappear at will. On a good day, he could even read minds.

Bilbo knew no sleight of hand. He had never been given the gift of persuasion, he could not suggest like a mentalist or use flashy and sometimes cheap, tricks to distract and deceive. He was revered, spoken of, sought after, but one thing separated him from his fellow inner circle magicians (bar Gandalf), Bilbo could actually do magic.

Bilbo was happy with his lot in life. He'd taken his unusual skill and turned it into a lucrative trade. He was quite happy keeping the truth of his actual magic in question. If it was well known, one, it became less impressive, and two, the world, or even worse, his cousins, might decide he owed them something. There was a limit to what he could do in the Shire, and the rest of his folk did not like so many visitors of different races coming to him, and no good hobbit would stay here and steal business from his cousin, Drogo was accomplished in his own right.

With Bag End legally donated to those less fortunate than he, (not to mention charmed to the hilt against damage, theft, greedy cousins and the like) Bilbo had taken to wandering. He wowed people as he went, the camps of men especially grateful for his appearing. He was forever able to find work and sleep in the finest of inns or nobleman's houses, and if he snuck into physician's strongholds late at night and healed the odd dying child or wounded worker, nobody was any the wiser of his input. He travelled steadily East until one day he was given a 3 week long job offer (read summons) from the royal family of Erebor.

There was no way he could possibly refuse (no, really) so he called up an old ward of Bag End who was just turning 33 himself and gave him all the savings he had to bring back to the Shire, and off he set for the lands of the dwarrows. He was already close; word of him had obviously travelled faster than he. Bilbo had no fears about travelling on the road, he was not naïve and even in the inns he kept his room warded, his suit barely had a wrinkle when he arrived. He made his way through the kingdom, smiling and introducing himself to people as he passed; he had friends all over middle Earth for a reason, right up to the palace gates.

He admitted he was a little smug to be headhunted as entertainment for royalty, he hoped the line of Durin was impressed; he'd never slept in a palace before. "Good afternoon master dwarf," he introduced to the guard, "mister Baggins at your service, I received a summons from Erebor, evening entertainment for the royal family."

"Nice trench coat," he heard a whisper, "reckon that's where he hides his tricks Bowan?" Bilbo shot a sideways glance at 2 dwarflings who were hiding behind their father.

"Bilbo Baggins, of course, I was informed of your arrival today… master Baggins, you say you are… a magician?"

Bilbo smiled, used to the scepticism by now, "not expecting a hobbit, master dwarf?"

The dwarf in question cocked his head and smiled back, "I wasn't expecting a magician."

The dwarflings behind showed some boldness, "can we see a trick mister Baggins?"

"Rowan!" The guard hissed.

"Is there something hidden in your coat?"

"Bowan!"

Bilbo laughed, "no need to worry master dwarrows." He swung his coat off and handed it to the little ones. "Feel free to search my pockets masters Rowan and Bowan, I assure you, you will not find anything other than my money." He didn't have the heart to tell them that he didn't wear the coast for any other reason than the fact he thought it looked cool. "I suppose I can show you a quick trick, I'm early, but don't tell anyone alright?"

The boys quickly agreed.

He got his coat back, "found nothing."

Bilbo swung it back onto his shoulders, "thank you very much." He passed the training sword that Bowan had had strapped to his hip back to him, "you can have this."

He turned to the littler one. He'd summon Rowan's boots right off his feet earlier, such bold tricks did not work on adults, "and you can have these."

He clearly won the boys over if the way they were staring at him with wide adoring eyes were any indication; kids were always the more easily impressed. The guard simply smiled at his shrugged shoulders and waved him through.

"I am to meet with Master Balin upon my arrival; could you tell him where I might find him?"

"Master Balin is expecting you; he'll be in the entrance hall, straight ahead."

"Thank you Master dwarf. I am afraid you have me at a disadvantage my friend; you know my name but as I am as of yet unaware of yours."

"I am Morden, Mr Baggins, and none of that 'master' business."

"Then to you, Morden, I am simply Bilbo, Mr Baggins was my father. Have a good day and Mahal bless," he offered the trio a wave and turned the corner, waited until nobody was looking and turned invisible.

Looking at the mountain, even from the outside, it was easy to get lost. When you are invisible, you can look frantically and get an early layout of a place without anyone knowing. It was all about keeping up appearances, knowing someone's house better than they do without ever setting foot inside it added to your image without them at first realising it – like the suit. He walked into the entrance hall barely a minute after his letter said he would. The elderly dwarf with the bright white mane and braided beard was seated, looking over some papers, ever so occasionally looking up at the door, waiting for him.

Bilbo made his way over silently, looking over the papers. How boring: it seemed like he was planning the construction of a post office; no wonder they wanted Bilbo to provide some entertainment. He perched on the desk and revealed himself. He may have given poor Balin a heart attack but at least the royal advisor knew they had hired a professional. He fell back, almost toppling off his chair, "Durin's beard, where in Mahal did you come from?"

Bilbo's smile was nothing short of predatory, "oh you know, here and there. I heard your royal court was in need of a magician, I've always been one to make an entrance."

Balin, to his credit, recovered quickly. "Well Laddie, thank you for being punctual, I don't think we need to question your validity, even the boys can't sneak up on me like that."

Bilbo had no idea who 'the boys' were but as it was none of his business, he didn't ask. He gave an award-winning smile, hopped off the desk and bowed. "Bilbo Baggins of the Shire, magician extraordinaire, at your service."

"Balin, son of Fundin, at yours. You are going to get along just fine here." He looked the younger man up and down. "Begging your pardon laddie, but how old are you?"

"Old enough that my reputation precedes me."

Balin smiled, "aye laddie, that it does." He left the question there. "Down to business then. You will be performing for the extended royal family and court every other evening for the duration of their stay. Once Lady Dis, Lord Vili and Lord Dain leave, King Thorin may ask you to stay a little longer and you are of course welcome to stay a few days extra to explore the kingdom."

"That would be appreciated," it was the reason he wandered. "In the letter it said that the first performance, or a preliminary performance will not be paid, a test if you will, will this be in front of everyone or a select few?"

"I will admit, as part of your introduction, a small taster to me, King Thorin and a few court members will be required. Please do not take it as a slight against your skill."

"No offense taken, one must ensure the best for the royal family."

"I am sure you will impress us."

"Something we can agree on Master Balin. When will this preliminary show take place?"

"As soon as you are ready."

Bilbo had expected as much.

It didn't take long for the members of the court to arrive when Bilbo announced he was ready now. The people of Erebor had never seen a magician with the exception of Gandalf (Tharkun to them) who seemed to know everybody. He first ones to arrive were a pair of young dwarrows, adults like him, but only just, like him. One had a shock of blond hair and a heavily braided beard, the other long dark hair, he'd only just started to sprout hair on his chin.

"Nice to meet you Mr Boggins," said Blondie, "we've never seen a magician before."

"But we've heard a lot about you."

"We insisted Uncle invite you-"

"So we're ever so happy you came."

"Fili."

"And Kili."

"At your service," the finished together and bowed.

Oh these 2 were going to be fun. He reached up and tweaked one of blondie's ears in warning, "it is Mr Baggins to you Master Fili, make sure to pay attention to your pronunciation." He finished with a wide grin that he had to respond to get his ear back. He subsequently hid behind his little brother who was doing his best not to laugh out loud.

The next to arrive was a hulking dwarf with a tattooed bald head. He introduced himself as Dwalin. "Balin! You spend too long cooped up here, you're shorter and wide than the last time we met." Were they brothers?

"Wider, not shorter, and sharp enough for the both us."

Definitely brothers.

Then Dwalin and Balin head-butted each other, hard. _Okay._

The next 2 to arrive were Oin, the court physician who was hard or hearing and used a horn, and his brother and assistant Gloin, who had with him his wife and a tiny little dwarfling a few years younger than Kili by the name of Gimli – cute.

The Ri brothers arrived at once. Dori, the eldest, was holding the hand of Ori, the youngest. They were both scribes, Ori, a natural, apprenticed to Balin. He saw the little one give the elderly dwarf a smile and cast a shy look at the hulking dwarf Dwalin, but immediately turned to his brother when he looked back. Ah, he was smitten. Bilbo appraised Dwalin, personally he couldn't see why.

The 6th sense which made him a successful magician made him duck to the ground and roll to the side a spilt second before a dwarf with a weird hairstyle pounced on his previous position. He quickly realised he did not need to defend the hall and raised his eyebrows at the attack. The dwarf quickly attacked again and Bilbo side stepped and used a little magic to make him trip and then got him into a full nelson and held him in place on the ground.

The hobbit didn't even change his tone from the one he'd used with Balin, "Bilbo Baggins at your service."

The muffled sound of 'Nori,' came from the floor and Bilbo released him.

Dwalin let out a huge guffaw of laughter. "That is Nori, master spy, he started out as a petty criminal, old habits die hard, it would seem he's met his match in you."

"Many do. Shall we begin?"

He didn't do anything too fancy, had to leave something for the actual shows. He summoned a flame to his fingers with a snap and blew it, creating the roaring head of a dragon before turning it into smoke which covered him like a sheen while he transfigured his clothes into a show costume, (nothing outrageous, he still didn't believe in them) he got gasps when he revealed his sparkling blue outfit that shimmered like ice. He summoned a dove to fly out of his robes and it did a circle of the hall before landing on his outstretched palm, the then clapped his hands and disappeared into nothing as if it had never been there.

He pulled a small lump of gold out his pocket, he had been paid handsomely for the shows he had given on his way to Erebor. He chucked it at Fili who bit it and confirmed it was real and chucked it back. Bilbo bit a chunk out of it and moulded it in his mouth, less than half a minute later he spat a roughly moulded wolf in his direction. He chucked the rest of the gold in his mouth and spat a roughly hewn eagle at Kili shortly after. They immediately started comparing whose impromptu gift was better, _kids._

As a final trick he summoned another flame – everyone loved fire – and made it grow larger and flash different colours before he threw it at the dwarrows. They immediately ducked on instinct and crowed with delight as it exploded before them with an obnoxiously loud bang, glitter and multi coloured sparks flying everywhere. When they stopped shielding their eyes, Bilbo was back in his suit and staring at an incredibly shocked King under the mountain in the doorway, Thorin Oakenshield.

He had long black hair identical to his Kili, he guessed they were related and icy blue eyes, currently widened in surprise. His beard reached mid chest and was decorated with azure beads – the colour of the Durin line. Bilbo had to give him an appreciative nod. "So," he said, "you're the magician."

"Bilbo Baggins," he bowed, "at your service."

"Thorin Oakenshield," he inclined his head, "King under the mountain." He lifted one corner of his mouth in a half smile, "welcome to Erebor."


	2. Chapter 2

His rooms were lavish. He had a bed chamber with a four poster large enough for 3 Bilbos and a wardrobe definitely suited to house more than the 5 outfits he owned, he packed light, always. Still, if he was living in a palace, it wouldn't hurt to go into the town and purchase something more fitting or just something more. His living area had a kitchenette and an open fire complete with a basket of wood and coal and an iron poker, perfect. He had brought his favourite kettle with him, packing light was one thing but he never went anywhere without decent tea.

The en-suite bathroom had a dwarf sized bath with nozzles for bubbles as well as water, and different scented soaps and oils lined the edges. It was, all in all, even more lavish than even his beloved Bag End, not that he had even set foot in his old abode for near on 8 months now. Right now, however, Bilbo was interested in the balcony. His room was high in the mountain, close to the royal quarters and directly above the court room. He learnt that Fili and Kili were the King's nephews and heirs, here to be groomed, sons of Lady Dis and Lord Vili, who lived elsewhere and would be coming tomorrow.

Bilbo's first show was tomorrow evening and he fully intended to explore the Kingdom thoroughly, he had a rough layout, and go into Laketown, he'd had to make do with passing through it on his way here. Right now, however, he was content with the view from his balcony. It overlooked the kingdom and he could see to Laketown easily, the evening torches glinting up to him in the gloaming of dusk. He summoned his pipe and tobacco from his pack and fixed himself a bowl of Old Toby, a faithful friend of his late father and lately a friend of his. He was relaxing and getting ready for bed when there were 4 firm raps on his door. Of course.

Bilbo sighed, "come in!" He unlocked it with a flick of his wrist and it swung open. He didn't need to look away from the balcony to know it was Fili and Kili.

"It's a nice view isn't it?" Kili came up beside him.

Bilbo hummed non-committedly.

"We wanted to catch you before you went to bed-"

"To thank you for our gifts."

"We can keep them can't we?"

"You can," he confirmed.

"The show was amazing Mr Boggins."

"Baggins."

"We had to see you again; I hope you don't think us rude but-"

"You wanted to see one last trick, yes?"

Kili nodded his head enthusiastically. "Would it be ok? It doesn't have to be fancy but we're too excited to wait for the show."

"I can't go giving away all my best tricks before your parents even arrive."

"We promise we won't give it away."

"You can't give it away if I don't tell you how I do it."

"So you will show us something?"

Bilbo looked to the sky for help, he didn't even notice that. Well, he guessed there was nothing for it, besides, entertaining children was what he enjoyed the most. "Alright." He took a glass bead that was serving as a bed for an artificial plant in a vase and put it in Fili's outstretched hand, "close your fist." He then drew some red powder and a bowl from his pack – completely unnecessary for the trick but it added a wow factor.

"Kili, hold the bowl please." He then added the red powder and some cold water, turning it into a bright red liquid. "Alright, now give it a swirl and then throw it at your brother's fist."

"What?"

"Don't worry Fili, it's quite safe."

"Yeah, don't worry Fi," and Kili threw it.

The water dropped of the boy's hand and onto the floor, he gave a small yelp of surprise when it hit him and he shook his arm, but true to his word, it didn't hurt, after all, even if only Bilbo knew, it was just water. "Ok, now open your hand."

Fili did as he was told, "Oh Mahal, that's amazing!" In his palm lay a perfectly cut ruby.

Kili grabbed it to examine, "it's real!" he exclaimed, sounding almost accusing, "how did you do that?"

Bilbo smiled and held out his hands, "magic!"

The bed was far too comfy, even by hobbit standards, when he finally got up he had slept past both first and second breakfast. The cupboards in his kitchenette were stocked so he fixed himself some bread and honey for elevenses and ventured out his rooms. The dwarrows who passed him nodded in greeting but none stayed long enough for a proper greeting. He had it on good authority that Laketown was the true heart for business so made his way to their markets. Bilbo never stole anything unless he needed it. He could summon, but he always gave the items back (unless they were items that had fallen into Lobelia's umbrella.)

Giving men transfigured gold or gems also counted as stealing seeming as they would eventually turn back to glass. Before he was paid, he had to make do with the money he'd earned on his way here. Laketown was, understandably, not nearly as impressive as Erebor, but it was homely in a way he appreciated nonetheless. The markets sprawled out before him like a maze, all selling things from pieces of cloth, to toys, to flowers and sweet treats – he may have looked at that stall longer than he needed to (he'd been told he had free reign over Erebor's royal kitchen) before moving on to look at clothes. Once he was paid he was going to come back and buy out these stalls.

The first thing he bought were seeds. He did not know if there was a garden in Erebor he could make an addition to but he was sure he could buy or adopt a small allotment in Laketown, even if only for a few weeks. Plus, the fake flower in his rooms was lovely and lifelike, but he was a hobbit, and in tune with nature, nothing beat the real thing. His second stop was a food market, as lovely as he was sure the kitchen was, there would only be so much bread and honey available for one hobbit with a voracious appetite, using his magic could be so tiring.

Finding some materials was also easy. He bought the materials for smoke bombs, needing lots of them to hide the fact he was using real magic to achieve his tricks, and plenty of satin and cotton to make some evening wear. He was told there was going to be a party and not only was he welcome, his presence was required as compulsory for at least a couple of them. Some carefully laid traps also got him some mice and other small creatures to stow away for the evening and temporarily transfigure into doves and lizards and whatever else took his fancy. Finding some normal clothes however, for every day wear, a couple of shirt and a waistcoat, what should be the easiest task, was proving ridiculously troublesome.

Apparently they didn't make suits that small. The only smart clothes he found that fit him were obviously suited to a young boy, the shape was all wrong and as adorable it would be on a boy of 9, it would be beyond ridiculous and actually quite alarming on him. He vowed to learn how to make clothes that stayed the way he wanted them to with his magic, temporary transformation was all he could do thus far, that would solve his problem. Bilbo ended up going round in circles, from the first stall through the last one and circling back, each option not good enough. The sun was now high in the sky and Bilbo was aware of time slowly running out.

"Excuse me, are you lost?"

Bilbo looked up to see a young man with dark brown hair and identical eyes.

"Oh, excuse me," he said again, with a blush, "it's just, you look exactly like my oldest from behind," he gestured behind him to a little boy who did indeed have Bilbo's honeyed curls and height. "This is Bain, my boy."

Bilbo smiled beatifically. "Hello Bain, I must say you do indeed look a bit like me. That's alright sir," he extended his hand, "it's not the first time I've been mistaken for a child and I daresay it won't be the last, you hardly ever see my folk outside the Shire. Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins."

The man met his hand, "Bard, sorry again."

"You can make it up to me. You see I've been hired to be a show magician for the royal court but before I set off for Erebor I sent all my belongings to my family home – packing light. Could you tell me where I could get some nice clothes?"

"Unlikely you'll find something not designed for a child. If it pleases you, my eldest has outgrown a bit of what he has. I'd hate to see it go to waste if you'd like it."

That was sweet. Bilbo supposed he did look a little out of place, maybe lost. He'd caught the man looking at his feet; men usually were in dire straits if they could not even afford shoes. Bard was also assuming he had little in the way of money. Still, why shouldn't he allow this man and his son to make a little extra money? "That would be superb Bard. I will also need to buy some nice materials to make some evening wear but I too would hate to see perfectly good clothes go to waste. Bain, as they are yours, would you mind?"

Bain looked at him nervously, not used to being addressed before turning an inquiring eye to his father (who was no help whatsoever). "I don't mind," he said eventually, "I was going to give them to Tilda but she doesn't want them."

Bard started to lead the way out of the busy markets and deeper into Laketown. "If you don't mind me asking, what are you?"

Bilbo chuckled, used to this question after many months of trouble. Often people were satisfied with 'magician,' it was certainly true enough. "I am first and foremost a Baggins of Bag End, I am second a hobbit and third a magician."

"I have heard of magicians, I must admit I have not of Baggins and hobbits."

"You have met the perfect being to educate you Bard."

"Here we are." Bard's house was a small two storey building that, like Bag End, Bilbo would guess was made by Bard himself or his father. Two children came to greet them, young girls of about 7 and 5. The older one wrapped her arms around her father's waist while the younger one threw herself at her big brother. Bain could not have been more than 12 years himself but picked his little sister up with practised ease. It made Bilbo smile to see such. He had always wanted siblings – any family at all really – the best he had were his strays.

"This is Sigrid and Tilda," he introduced. The complete lack of mother or wife was not lost on Bilbo. It must be hard, looking after 3 children by himself. He had to go out and work, sometimes Bain coming with him he'd bet, who was left behind to care for Sigrid and Tilda? "Hello girls," he said with a smile. "I'm buying some materials in your town to make some clothes and you brother agreed to give me some too. I'm working as a magician in Erebor. The first show is tonight; would you like to see some tricks?"

He knew they'd say yes. Even sceptical children did not mind watching someone good, and someone performing for royalty was the best. Bain grabbed his old clothes and then Bilbo entertained the family of four with some of his tamer tricks. He made things disappear into mid-air and had them reappear in the children's hands or behind their ears. He juggled the cups that Bard served them tea in, plus a few extra and had each one burst into glitter before reappearing neatly stacked in the cupboard a couple of seconds later. He didn't use too much energy, needing it for tonight but it entertained them well.

He only planned to stay for an hour but he stayed for lunch, then afternoon tea and he chatted with the family about his adventures on the road. Sigrid, young as she was, was skilled at making clothes having been taught by her mother and made some evening wear for him with her father's help. Tilda and Bain assisted with making the smoke bombs which he used in every performance – they provided perfect cover – and the sky was darkening when he finally left. He practically ran all the way back to Erebor, using his magic to aid his speed and arriving windblown and out of breath at the gates of the mountain.

"Hello Bilbo, are you alright?"

Bilbo forced a smile, "hello Morden. I see the children aren't with you today."

"Nay. My lovely wife is making them dinner."

Bilbo nodded and a thought occurred to him, "when do you eat?"

"When my shift ends, the swap is soon. It's nice to eat with the family but without a job, my family won't be eating at all."

He couldn't argue with that.

"You are a fast little creature; I don't think I've ever seen anyone run so fast in my life."

Bilbo chuckled, I think I panicked Morden. I thought I was late for my first show. Now I do believe I was worrying for no reason. I better go see Balin before the royals start eating; I have a few last minute things I would like to go over with him."

Morden nodded and stood aside. "Break a leg Bilbo."

He pretended to be affronted. "I should like to think I will not!"


	3. Chapter 3

The first show is often the hardest even without the added pressure of royalty, having 10-12 shows after it added to that pressure. You have to impress without giving everything you've got and leave your audience hungry for more. He'd watched the entire dinner whilst invisible in the corner. He noticed the servants served from the left and collected from the right, they walked in uniform and all wore gold epaulettes, and he'd thought the elves were showy. He'd told Balin he'd be on time for the show but not to look for him, he had it all in hand (despite his rush back to Erebor), simply announce him and he'd do the rest.

After successfully sneaking up on him two days prior, Balin trusted him. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I hand your evening entertainment over to Bilbo Baggins!"

That was his cue. He threw a smoke bomb, oldest trick on the book, and became visible centre under the screen of purple smoke, using a gust of air to clear it. His entrance alone got him thunderous applause. "My Lords and Ladies, plus Fili and Kili," there was a smattering of polite laughter (and not so polite cries of protest), "It is a true pleasure to be here in the Kingdom of Erebor and before the royal family, please sit back, enjoy the show and allow me to blow your mind!"

He drew two coins out his pocket, having made a trip to the treasure room and gained Balin's permission to borrow some gold (give the audience what they want, they were dwarrows after all). "The trick with gold," he said, tossing them up and down, "is to be able to use them to create more." As he did so, a third one appeared and he started to juggle the three coins, clicking his fingers and having another one appear and another until he had a small handful. "But trick gold," he said, "never tends to stick around." He clicked his fingers again until he was back to the two he'd started with. "Shall I teach you how to do it?"

Kili immediately shot his hand up like a child in class, "me!"

Bilbo laughed, typical. He would oblige however. He gave the young dwarf the pair of coins. "Hold these between your index fingers and rub them up and down, quickly now."

Sure enough, it looked like a phantom 3rd coin appeared between the original two. "But that's just an illusion," Kili said, sounding immensely disappointed, "it's not magic."

"No?" Bilbo reached out and plucked the 3rd coin from the air. The other 2 clattered to the table. "You are quick to judge young prince."

"No way."

The hobbit threw it in the air and passed a hand over it making it disappear.

"Aw, I thought I got to keep it."

"It is not really gone. Cough please."

Kili gave a dramatic cough and the gold coin appeared before him on the table. The boy gave a delighted cry, "Fee, look!"

"I've seen gold before Kee," he said, but by his grouchy tone, Bilbo knew he was jealous. He promised to himself to treat the older boy next.

He got more polite applause but that was enough parlour tricks. It was time to show the people of Erebor some real magic. He took out 5 balls and started to juggle them, a trick he'd learnt which was extremely useful in his line of work. "I get these from a travelling merchant," he said, "the trouble is, they never stick around." As he spoke, 4 of the 5 balls disintegrated in a puff of glitter. "The ones that are left," he held it outstretched on his palm, "are always more than they appear." The purple ball rocked, then cracked and out hatched a baby dragon, unfurling to be the size of Bilbo's head. It gave a shriek breathed a short plume of very real fire.

He feigned confusion, "that wasn't meant to happen."

The fire drake grew in size and blew another torrent of fire, and Bilbo shot in front of the dragon, shielding the dwarrows and holding up his hands to create a wall of air and to block it, sending it reeling back at the dragon in question. The two of them had a short dance until Bilbo, inevitably, won the short battle and forced it back to its original size. He wrestled the thing into a small bowl and trapped it with a lid. Holding the thing down, he looked back at his audience with a grin and wink. Balin and Dwalin who had had their hands resting on the hilts of their swords relaxed their stances and Bilbo almost laughed, at least he'd been authentic.

A couple of the dwarrows were pale, perhaps he had overdone it. "Ladies and gentlemen, rest assured I will never put you in danger." With that he took the lid off the bowl and instead of a dragon was a beautiful snow white dove. It gave a trill and did one circuit on the hall, hovering in front of the princess Dis and giving her a peck on the cheek before landing back in Bilbo's hand, tucking its wings in and turning back into a purple ball.

The applause now they realised there was no dragon reached a newer crescendo and the hobbit presented the purple ball to Fili with a flourish. It would never do anything more than sparkle for the boy, but he didn't need to know that.

The difference with the upper classes was the formality. Living hand to mouth, entertaining the town folk was a simple affair. He got the young ones, or a pretty young lass to be his assistant, they would all have a good laugh, eat good food, sometimes Bilbo wold have a tumble with one of them but usually not and he would actually practise his non magic tricks. This was a show, he was meant to impress. In that, there was one thing that never failed regardless of age, gender or race. He was referring, of course, to fireworks.

He snapped his fingers and 2 balls of blue flame appeared in his hands. "Ladies and gentlemen, it is about to get hot in here." He splayed his fingers and the flames grew. He knew they could feel the heat, assuring them it was real, "please, remain in your seats." He steeled his gaze at the young princes who might disobey him just because they could. "This is for your own safety."

Bilbo completely gave into his senses when he danced. The hobbits of the Shire said he learnt how to dance before he could walk. Bilbo knew he was moving things with his eyes before he learnt how to speak. Before his discovered his destiny as a wandering showman, Bilbo wanted to be a dancer. He used his hands to create rings of fire that he jumped through and imitated dragon breath, blowing the flames from his own gullet with such precision it stopped just short of singing their beards. A little magical push allowed him to complete the more ambitious somersaults and flips and after so long, it now aided him without his conscious input.

Under the veil of fire he changed his suit into a sparkling red silk and allowed his eyes to glow. His audience worshipped him with calls of astonishment. They made up for the lack of music by banging their hands on the table rhythmically (next time, Bilbo was bringing his flute), speeding up as they sensed the magician reaching his finale. He twirled, getting faster and faster, listening to the cheers, levitating on a cloud of smoke he'd created from another bomb until he was ready. The ice sprayed from his mouth in the roar of a standing ovation. It was welcome against his boiling skin and cancelled out the remaining fire in the room.

He gave a low bow to hide his exhaustion as the remains of the ice slowly melted at his feet. His eyes stopped glowing and fixed themselves, quite independently, on the icy blue eyes of the King.

King Thorin was the only one left sitting but clapped just as furiously as his exuberant nephews. Their eyes locked for the longest moment, neither party daring to blink. Bilbo supposed he'd usually wink or something but found he could not with this man (probably wise). Then, quick as a flash, Thorin raised one elegant eyebrow and shot him an entirely too well executed wink of his own that made Bilbo want to grab the remaining ice. Bilbo grinned – he was going to have fun with this one. He was panting and sweating, tired and a little annoyed he'd lost his composure at the end. It was a good show but he could not wait to cut loose at the party after dessert.

He could have done with a nap but Bilbo had no time for that, he was too busy trying to make the dress robes Sigrid had made him look less like, well, a dress. Bilbo was drinking the second he arrived at the party hall. Dwarrows had excellent mead and while their wine didn't hold a candle up to elvish ones, he was downing glass after glass as it seemed every dwarf in Erebor entered the hall. "Where does such a wee thing put it all?"

Bilbo looked up to see a dwarf with a funny hat and a spectacular moustache. "Us hobbits have brilliant alcohol tolerance, it goes straight to our feet."

The dwarf laughed and bowed, "Bofur at your service."

"Bilbo Baggins, but I guess you know that."

"I wasn't there for your show, but everyone knows you're here."

"Indeed, Erebor's first magician. You know, it is strange for me to see the royal family partying with everyone else, is this common?"

"Hmm? Oh never. Parties like this are common enough but blue bloods hang out with blue bloods."

"But there are so many people here."

"I'll let you into a little secret. Not everyone here is allowed to be, but nobody cared enough to enforce it. Even I'm not meant to be here."

"No? How did you get in then?"

"See that dwarf there." Bofur was pointing.

It took a while for Bilbo to spot him. "Master Nori, yes, he was there when I gave the preliminary show, he tried to get the drop on me. He failed of course."

Bofur nodded. "Nori is a friend of mine. If he failed to get the drop on you, you must be a skilled magician indeed. He knows all the secret passageways in Erebor and beyond. He can get you in anywhere if he wants to. Some people try to suck up to the royalty. The ones with the true power are ones like Nori."

"What is your profession then Bofur? Also a spy?"

"A spy? Me? Nay Bilbo, I'm a simple toy maker."

"It's a noble profession."

"Thank you."

"I mean it. You and I both like to make children smile, I think that's important. Us hobbits value good cheer, comfort, and plenty of food above riches and material possessions. I think if there were more toy makers and less Lords, this would be a brighter world."

Bofur looked at him strangely, "you're not just saying that," he noted. He bent down and kissed him quickly on the lips, "I'm not apologising for that by the way."

Bilbo blinked but covered his shock like a professional, "I should hope not, it reflects badly on me."

Bofur winked and kissed him again, proving that all dwarves were entirely too good at this winking and teasing business. "I better go, I really am not meant to be here."

Bilbo was barely left alone for a minute before someone else was pressing another drink into his hands. "Try this, our own piece of magic."

"Corny, but very well," Bilbo said before looking up and seeing King Thorin standing before him, also tipsy with an easy smile.

"Strong enough to knock you off your feet but tastes like exotic fruit and honey."

Bilbo accepted it. "It's nice, even better than the elves I'd wager." That was a polite lie of course.

"They do good wine, I admit."

"Did you enjoy the show your majesty?"

"Very much, you're very skilled."

"I know. Your majesty, could you tell me where your library is?"

The question was clearly unexpected. "Leaving so soon?"

"I should think not, but I'm a scholar at heart."

Thorin hummed, "I could be tempted to tell you where it is."

Oh could he indeed? "Well then," two could play at that game, "I suppose I'd better join you for another drink and see what I can do."

"I suppose you better."

3 drinks later Bilbo was laughing with Thorin as if they'd been friends for years. He gave him casual touches on the arm and knee and trying desperately to keep control of all his faculties because Thorin was right, that wine really did knock you off your feet. This seemed to delight Thorin to no end. "Mr Baggins, I do believe you are drunk."

He was at that. "It is not unheard of," he most certainly did not slur, "you're not doing too badly yourself." He downed his drink and grabbed 2 more. "Hobbits are incredibly resilient creatures; I bet I could take you on."

"Master magician, are you issuing me a challenge?"

Actually, to his utter mortification, he believed he was flirting with the King. There was too much nice dwarven wine in his system however to truly appreciate how much of a bad idea this was. "Do you accept oh King? You will find I have a few tricks up my sleeve yet."

It turned out Bilbo was being cocky. He didn't have a hope in hell of out-drinking Thorin Durin. He kept up for an admirable 25 minutes before he started to slow down, woozy. "Fading master magician?"

The arrogant smug tone had him grab another drink and force it down his throat before grabbing Thorin's drink right out his hand and down that too for good measure. He was swaying on his feet. "Yes." He lurched to the side and vomited over Thorin's shoes. He was just about coherent enough to flush, "dear me, I'm terribly sorry."

Thorin's arms shot out to catch him as he passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

Hobbits didn't have hangovers. No really, mainly it was because they didn't drink, but it was also because they had super-fast metabolisms (hello, 7 meals a day) and the drink worked its way out their systems during the night. He woke with a clear head and remembered with unfortunate clarity how his evening had ended. "Dear Lord Baggins, how did you fuck things up so badly before the end of your first night?" He considered staying in his room for the remainder of the day, if only to avoid contact with people who'd met him but quickly decided he would be far too bored.

He dragged himself out of bed, rubbed his face with his hands, had a quick wash and must have rinsed out his mouth (which felt like a small furry animal had crawled in it in the night and used it as a latrine) 7 times. He was in time for second breakfast and made his way down to the kitchens to retrieve it. Most of the higher level dwarrows were sleeping off the alcohol in their respective quarters, luckily, and a few of the more level headed ones were surprised to see him up and about – any who'd seen him would attest to the fact he hadn't exactly been holding back.

This was the first time he'd been to the kitchens since he got here, given the number of meals hobbits ate, that in itself was little short of a miracle, though he had almost completely finished his supply of bread and honey from the market in the men of Laketown. The kitchens were always in operation, even in the darkest hours of the day the ovens were baking goods so they were fresh for the kitchens on the morrow, meats were being smoked and dried, quick meals being whipped up to be delivered to the guards on duty in the graveyard shift. He thought once more of Morden and wondered whether it was his turn to be doing such a shift last night.

The kitchens were being run by a team of 3 at this point in time. They worked lazily as they knew they didn't have to prepare anything major until the feast that night, many of the dwarves had so much to eat they wouldn't eat again until then. The head chef of present was a dwarf with grey streaked black hair with dark eyes and most noticeably when he turned around, Bilbo saw an axe stuck in his head. Bilbo had to blink to make sure he was really seeing what he thought he was and yep, there was no mistaking it. He was glad he was a magician and quick at getting over surprises or once the dwarf noticed him, he may have still been staring.

"Good morning," he said with a smile, "Bilbo Baggins at your service. Balin said I could make use of the kitchens during my stay here, I haven't thus far but decided to make the effort today."

The dwarf barked something in Khuzdul he didn't understand. It sounded harsh like all Khuzdul and Bilbo tilted his head, confused. He barked something else and gestured to his head and he understood, ah, brain damage. He was signing something and Bilbo understood a little, at least, enough to tell him his name and the sign for food.

"Yes, I am hungry," he said, "was hoping for something small before I go exploring."

He barked more things and signed again, Bilbo understood 'meat' and something else that became clear when the dwarf indicated eating it, 'soup.'

"I am afraid my skills at signing leave a little to be desired," Bilbo admitted, "but I would not have us completely unable to interact. Some soup would be perfect."

At this point one of the dwarves became aware of him. "Ah, Bilbo Baggins, it's nice to finally meet you. I see you have met our second in command Bifur."

Now he thought about it, he seemed familiar in a way, not in a way that they'd met but maybe… "Master Bifur, would you be by any chance related to Bofur?"

By Bifur's wild gesticulating, Bilbo did not need a translation to know that this was an affirmative.

"We met at the after party from my first performance; he said he was not meant to be there. We became friends," with certain benefit perhaps, "you have the same hair you know, although he keeps is hidden with a spectacular hat. And your eyes, lovely, so you know."

Bifur barked something else.

The other dwarf said, "he says it's obvious you've met, Bofur mentioned you, you made quite the impression. Bifur also makes toys but Bofur, though younger, has always been better at it."

Bifur made a crude sound and laughed.

The translating dwarf blushed slightly and looked away.

"Whatever it is I guarantee I've heard worse," Bilbo encouraged.

The dwarf swallowed, "he asks if you've… slept together yet."

Bifur made another sound.

"Not the term he used," he muttered.

Bilbo laughed. Bofur had been a little amorous, all over a compliment. "Master Bifur, I don't see how that is any of your business." He grabbed his bowl of soup, took a gulp and turned to the translating dwarf, "master Dwarf, Bilbo Baggins at your service," he bowed, "thank you for your help, would you tell me your name?"

"Lorden."

"Lorden, well met, relating to Morden by any chance?"

"My uncle as a matter of fact. I babysit my cousins quite a bit; they said you showed them a stealing trick. They can't be in here though."

By Yavannah, were they all related to one another in some way? He finished his soup, stealing a few bits from around the kitchen, an apple, a piece of smoked meat and a flask of ale. Bifur kept trying to take it out his hands as he went but Bilbo pushed him away. "Come now, let me grab some elevenses and packed luncheon and I'll be out your hair, I'm going exploring." He also grabbed some nice seeded bread and a small pot of honey probably there to add to some pudding.

"Where does a wee thing like you put it all?" asked one of the other dwarrows.

"In our stomachs Master…?"

"Rildof."

"Master Rildof, where else would be putting it? Us hobbits have 7 meals a day."

"7! There wouldn't be time for anything else."

"Indeed. First breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and supper. I hope to be finished by afternoon tea; perhaps you will join me for it."

"I should think so Master Baggins."

"None of that now, it's just Bilbo amongst friends." He set off with his food shrunk in his pockets, he'd lost quite a bit of weight on the road and using magic as frequently as he did gave him quite a bit of appetite as it was.

My, now that was absolutely charming. He'd almost given up hope finding something with true beauty in the dwellings of these rock and gem lovers – he stood corrected. The garden was circular and quite large, perhaps the size of Bag End and the grounds. It was also falling to ruin. He could see that it had at one time been loved. Bilbo could see flower beds overrun with weeds and the trees which had ruled over the beauty spot long infested with rot. What a shame. It was not beyond saving however, turning over the flower beds and planting more would be a good start, healing the trees would bring back some birds and voles.

The saving grace of the garden he'd found so unexpectedly was the water feature stood proudly in the centre. It was a simple fountain, perhaps 3 times the size of Bilbo in height and deep enough to swim in – not that it was big enough to cover much distance – should the desire take his fancy. He was tempted to put some fish in it, get some rainbow fish, goldfish, maybe a frog or two, it would make for a delightful hobby. Always one for a green thumb, Bilbo had started to pull up the weeds clogging up the once bountiful flowerbeds before being aware of it.

He was planning what to replace them with, veggies and herbs along with which colours would complement and which would clash before remembering it was not his garden to tamper with. He considered finding Balin and asking him but didn't want him to, now he'd found it, say no. nobody would mind would they? Nobody even knew it was here. He placed his hands on one of the trees, they say plants cannot feel pain, but Bilbo would bet that it knew it was dying. The rot had taken hold but there was a lot Bilbo could do with nature that he had never had the chance (he was glad for that truth be told) to try with the beings of middle Earth.

He let his eyes become hooded as he forced his magic into the pear tree. There wasn't really anything that could go wrong when one healed plants; it wasn't a tragedy if one failed. Getting the rot to recede and the life in the tree to flourish was taxing but he refused to stop until he was certain it would live on its own. He was sweating and out of breath by the time he finished but grinning all the same. By next autumn, it should be a fruit bearer. He turned his attention to the apple tree; it was surviving well by itself, somehow.

Bilbo extended his will to the fountain and summoned a great deal of water into his hands. He held it in place before him before shooting it into the air and watching it fall before catching it and whipping it around it a circle, encasing himself in a bubble and rising himself a foot in the air before dropping, not once losing control. He laughed as he made it take the shape of a unicorn, then a griffin, they the shape of the eagles of Manwe, they would say it was a poor imitation. To finish he splayed his fingers and made it rain down in the garden, giving the plants clinging onto life a much needed drink.

It was nearing lunch time and he turned to head back to the mountain. As he did so, his blood rushed all too suddenly from his head and his vision swam before his eyes. Ah, it would appear he'd overdone it. It was a good thing he wasn't performing tonight. "Oh dear," he muttered before falling back in a dead faint.

He woke to the sensation of something tickling his face. Opening his eyes lazily he saw that it was silvery white hair. He followed it up to the upside down face of an elf leaning over him with a slightly confused and vaguely concerned face. "Hello," he said.

"Hello Master Hobbit," he replied, "are you alright?"

"Yes, I'd say so. Admiring the sky."

"With your eyes closed."

"Indeed."

"What are you doing lying on the ground?"

"Why is your face upside down?"

"Because you're upside down."

"Now don't be ridiculous, a magician is always exactly in the position he intends to be. I'm lying down because you look entirely too short for an elf when I'm standing up, I wouldn't want you to feel inadequate."

"Insolent little whelp."

"Poof tree-shagger."

He crossed his arms, "I'm jealous of all the people who haven't met you."

"If you're going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an ass."

"Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?"

"Your head is so big you have step into your waistcoats."

"I love you."

"If you're going to be two faced, at least make one of them look pretty."

"There's only one problem with your face, I can see it."

"A sharp tongue is no indication of a sharp mind, you're little, exasperating and still upside down."

"Among many things… your majesty."

Thranduil laughed and helped Bilbo to his feet with one hand. The wold swayed dangerously a little but he found his footing and managed an answering smile. "Well met Bilbo Baggins, you're even smaller and stupider than the last time I saw you."

"And you are more arrogant and girly."

"And just as infuriating."

"Thank you."

"Come here." Thranduil pulled him into a hug in a rare show of affection. "What are you doing here Bilbo Baggins?"

"The same thing I was doing in Greenwood."

"Wizarding."

"Please Thranduil, I am not Gandalf the Galling or in his merry band of misfits, I'm a magician and am therefore magicianing."

"Not a term."

"That _you_ use. What are you doing here?"

Thranduil sighed, "council meeting, happens every 3 years, I am required to attend, this is a special one as the extended royal family is here."

"Who else is here?"

"My son, my captain on the guard."

"You said that with a growl, there was no such aggravation towards Tauriel last time I was there."

He sighed, "I have nothing against her, she has simply fallen in love."

"That is nothing to be angry about surely, are you not happy for her?"

"I would be under normal circumstances but she has given her heart to a dwarf. He seems to have given his to her as well but he will not live past 500 and that is if he grows to be a very old dwarf. Tauriel will fade long before her time once he passes on."

"You are too protective of your people for your own good Thranduil, no wonder you've gone grey." He danced out of his reach as the elven King went to hit him. "If there neighbouring leaders are here then Bard of Laketown is also around and I would share a cup of mead with him before you are all shown to your quarters."

"Are you sure you're ok Bilbo, I did find you passed out."

"Nothing to worry about, I just overdid it I fear."

"Please be careful. This garden does not have too many frequenters as you can probably tell; I find I enjoy the tranquillity."

They made their way back to the main part of the mountain side by side. As they went they saw Thorin Oakenshield also in the entrance hall chatting to the guests. Bilbo made out Dis, Dain and the rest of the royal family. He also spied Dwalin and Balin, a younger dwarf trailing behind them, Ori, he realised after a second glance. Poor boy, he was still pining it would seem. He smiled at the sight of the King's red eyes and slightly dishevelled braids. Unlike hobbits, it would seem dwarrows did have hangovers, and this particular dwarf had a mighty one.

Thorin's eyes flicked to him and Bilbo saw the flicker of a smile before it morphed into a frown. Bilbo supposed he should find a way to apologise to him privately for the throwing up on his shoes… and the passing out in his arms. It would seem he was more annoyed than he'd said so at the time. "I may have embarrassed myself in front of him," Bilbo muttered to the elven King, "it would seem he has not forgiven me for it."

"What happened?"

"He beat me in a drinking contest."

"My little friend, we will certainly be returning to that but do not fear he has not forgiven you for any drunken behaviour, his venomous glances are directly purely at me." He chuckled, "the feud between 2 Kings can go back eons though ours is a simple power struggle and differing of opinions. He seems to think everyone needs to be protected from me. Do not be surprised if he finds excuses to bar me from your presence – with the exceptions of the shows of course, I assume you are part of the evening entertainment."

"Indeed I am, and do not insult me Thranduil, you know that nobody has the power to ban me from seeing my friends or do you forget Legolas' hidden, locked chambers after you had, essentially, grounded him?"

"I think I'm being punished for something, to be forever surrounded by impudent younglings."

"Mr Baggins!" Fili and Kili came rushing over to him. Fili wrapping his arms around Bilbo's shoulders and Kili throwing his arms around Thranduil's waist. The elven King just stood there still as a statue and endured it.

"Is Tauriel here yet?"

"And their love dramas," Bilbo added.


End file.
